Parenting: Counsels from Kids’ Corridor

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With the last embers of Summer vacation slowly dying out, our young ones are bracing themselves for schools and colleges to reopen. Some of them inboxed have us their insightful and lovingly sarcastic comments on their parents. This was not an assignment, to properly use the word. We got them to actually think about this space and to pen their thoughts on their parents

FIVE WAYS PARENTS WRONG THEIR CHILDREN!

(Rabeeha blogs at http://rebelrabee.blogspot.in/)

No, this is not about those horrific tales of irresponsible parents abandoning their kids or about how these days parents have no time for their children anymore . Wrong again, it is not about those parents vs. teenagers thing! It is exactly what the title says, the five ways that parents wrong their children without realizing it.

We all know Islam has prescribed the highest respect to parents. Hadiths, ayahs, sunnahs and all hallowed texts speak about them, their rights, our duty towards them and so on. In fact, even paradise is placed under the mother’s feet. But, may be because of these priorities, parents often don’t realize that they are wronging their kids in various ways! And kids -well at least some- don’t say anything out of due respect or let’s just say lack of proper communication. Okay I admit, I don’t know what it is like to be a parent, to be in their shoes and view things. But here I put on my own shoes, a young–person- trying-to-find-herself-in–this world shoes and say things as I and my fellow comrades view it !

So ready to hear the top five ways I got from asking around ?? Here we go, but before let me just say on behalf of every child reading this to all parents reading this-mom and dad, we love you and thank you for being such wonderful parents!! No seriously ! 

1. Emotional blackmail: All those times parents say “ you hurt me so, much. Allah won’t forgive you if you do this to me” or “I am getting old , you should be here with me not on a tour” or “ who will give a glass of water on my death bed if you go ?” or “if you become an engineer who is going to take care of the business when I die?” well, it works. They get us to do what they want. Who wouldn’t do it ? but isn’t this exploiting the advantage that Allah has given to them? Yes we need to be with our parents till the end, treat them well in their old age; but emotionally blackmailing a child to do things in a way they want it to be done is cheating the kids.

2. Denying their mistakes: parents are almost always perfect in the eyes of a young child. But when they start growing up, they become aware of the fact that they are humans and make mistakes too. But unfortunately most parents still try to keep up that perfect image and when a child points out their mistakes they just get mad or simply deny it! A glass broken by the child is considered serious: “You are so careless. When will you learn,” whereas, when the same thing is done by the perfect parent, it just becomes a small slip of hand. All these are noted by the children and in turn they too will learn to deny their mistakes. But if you do accept your mistakes, the kids respect you more! Trust me , I am a kid I know!

3. Comparison: I know, many of you were waiting for this one to crop up : the deadly word comparison! Yes it wrongs the children. Mainly because it actually has no base of argument since each child is different. Comparing a child with the sister or a friend just makes the child feels that s/he is not liked by their parents as much as the other child. It sends a negative message and, trust me, when the child makes comparison too, for example “She got to do it; why not me ??” the parents just go: ‘You shouldn’t compare!’

4. Experience vs. Inexperience: Our parents are more experienced than us ! of course they are ! No denying that. But because of their experience they don’t let their kids do a certain thing or take up a certain course. In short they deny the right of the kids to create their own experience. And the kids either have to do things behind the parents’ back or simply don’t get the exposure and remain inexperienced and enter adulthood in that way! They are just doing their duty and trying to protect us, but simply stopping them to do something rather than explaining them. Why? Advising and trusting their children not to repeat their mistakes can have serious consequences in their growing up process.
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5. Taking decisions without discussing with the child ( about the child’s life!): The list is not complete without this little point! How many parents out there think they know what is good for their kids and take their decisions for them? When the kids are young, it is fine; they are just babies. But deciding where and what the child should study and who he should get married to and making plans for it all and letting the child know when he/she can’t back out of it is just plain cruel! When taking such a decision parents often forget to consult their kids! They naturally assume the child would agree and when they don’t –back to emotional blackmail! Often parents don’t realize their babies have grown up and is ready to take decisions by themselves. If they can’t do it well of course they will run up to you for advice!

Well these are some of the ways parents wrong their children without even realizing. Parenthood is a blessing from Allah. And even though I haven’t been there yet am sure it’s really one heck of a job! But if these points are kept in mind dear parents worldwide, there will be a difference in your relationship with your kids. Lastly just one message from us children, we love and respect you without doubt. We pray for you without fail. But we would like to have a more free and friendly open relation with you and that is what dear parents we are trying to do .

Yours lovingly,
Your children!